What is avoidant attachment personality? (True portrayal of misqualified protagonist)

Cowards are afraid of happiness. They get hurt when they touch cotton, and sometimes they get hurt by happiness.” “– Tazai Zhi,” Human Loss.

This passage is the true picture of avoidant attachment personality.

Avoidant attachment personality has a contradictory attitude towards intimate relationship. It longs for love, but fears it at the same time. It even has a fear of the collapse of security when receiving love. Avoidant attachment personality in the face of love, the heart is very suffering, like in the dark night to find the light, see the lighter at that moment but also hesitate to light up, ask themselves light will be out again, simply give up the possibility of seeing the light, stay in the dark. This is the norm of an avoidant attachment personality, conflicted without realizing it, defending itself in a clumsy way.

What are the characteristics of avoidant attachment personality?

01. Fiercely independent

Avoidant types themselves have emotional needs. This kind of group will also have a crush on others, and they will want to approach the people they like, which is no doubt. But the characteristic of avoidant is here, when they successfully approach the person they like, they will subconsciously avoid.

“If I like you, I give you the right to hurt me.”

Avoidants have a high demand for independence and boundary, and hope to always have an independent space. The state of being alone is the safest and comfortable. For them, entering an intimate relationship is to meet the challenge of an unknown field, and they will subconsciously avoid to protect themselves in the face of fear brought by strangers. This kind of independent actually is also a kind of false, insecure still afraid to rely on each other at the same time, feel “need others”, would have a sense of shame, and let yourself to a positive way to express your true feelings and needs, in the subconscious mind has no “needed to express the demand of the consciousness. After entering the intimate relationship, when the self-boundary is broken and the space is penetrated, the attitude towards the partner will change immediately, and they may enter the avoidance mode at once, resisting the other party’s transgression of their private domain. And that’s when the other person gets confused.

– “Why do you never talk during arguments?”

– “You didn’t do that when you first fell in love. Have you changed?”

– “Do you really need me? I don’t think you like spending time with me.”

These are the kinds of questions that avoidant lovers are likely to ask avoidant lovers, but they are extremely independent and tend to avoid such questions even more because of their beliefs.

02. Pessimistic attitude

– “People are lonely, everyone will leave, no one will always be with me.”

Avoidant people have a pessimistic attitude towards intimate relationships. Even if they believe that the other party really likes them, it is difficult to confirm the degree to which the other party likes them. In the growth experience of avoidant type, most of them suppress their emotions. The solution to their desires and unsought needs is to convince themselves with this seemingly rational pessimistic attitude. On the basis of extreme independence and hold a pessimistic attitude, let them to avoid the attitude to wear out all kinds of emotions. When you question avoidant, they will avoid more, because avoidant itself has a sense of distrust of intimate relationship, think that love is very short, think that you don’t understand him, and then come to the self-conclusion that “saying it doesn’t matter”. Therefore, and avoidant get along, there will always be a kind of eat stuffy loss, a fist hit in the cotton feeling.

Put a stone in the vast sea, there will be no sound, the small waves only the sea itself know.

03, high self-esteem

Avoidant types have their own requirements for intimate relationships. They maintain a critical and uncasual attitude toward feelings and put their own availability low. Is to give people a sense of “I’m not that easy to get” alienation, which is also a type of avoidant personality charm. It is also a kind of packaging for themselves, and for the partner is more idealistic, a person who thinks love is a luxury, is more demanding.

Notice the difference between avoidance and irresponsibility. Avoidance type is their subconscious will be cautious about feelings, even too cautious, because they do not know how to deal with, simply take avoidance to protect the relationship, as if not to say the past, although they feel there will be a pimple, but can endure; However, it is very irresponsible for some people to enter the intimate relationship and ignore, enjoy the other person’s good and take the initiative to take, and disappear when they need to communicate.

Whether avoidant or not, a person who likes you can make you feel loved, and if they don’t feel it, they call you names. Don’t consider the other person is what personality, this is just, don’t like you.

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