How to Build healthy intimate relationships?

“I feel so tired when I’m with you. It’s good for both of us to be apart. Let’s break up.”

I believe that in the experience of several failed love partners, will not feel strange to this sentence.

“I’m tired.”

These three words are often used as a reason to break up, feel tired together, this tired specifically refers to what is the concept, why this kind of tired will make people want to give up a day and night accompany or once loved. When we meet the person we like and fall in love with each other, it may be a moment, or a few days and months, but when two people establish an intimate relationship, we need to consider how to maintain this love. Getting along is the process of two people getting to know, running in and gradually accepting each other, or the process of gradually separating.

– Intimate relationship

As a branch of psychology, intimate relationship refers to the harmonious relationship between two people of both genders and ages. Nowadays, it mostly refers to the relationship between partners. It can also be referred to as a special friend, a person who has enough trust in the other person to deliver the truth.

How to build a close relationship should be considered from the perspective of both parties, which may be the proposition of our life; The only way to have a good, healthy relationship is to be a healthy person, physically and mentally.

01. Self-identity

The word “identification” in modern psychology was first put forward by Freud, which refers to the process of emotional and psychological convergence between individuals and others, groups or imitation characters. It is the initial expression form of emotional connection between individuals and individuals. Self-identity, in short, is the ability to rationally view oneself and the outside world, and to gradually feel self-worth and social recognition and affirmation of oneself in life experience. In the sense of self-identity and self-assurance through constant practice, not pandering or subservient to others, in the sense of who you are and what you do.

To build a healthy and stable relationship, a healthy self comes first. Little k has a very good friend, a very excellent person, appearance is also very outstanding, but the object she looks for is not as good as their own conditions in both subjective and objective conditions, but little k’s friend will occasionally feel inferior, feel unworthy of each other. That’s a sign of poor self-identity, not having a good self-identity. In intimate relationships, the first step is to recognize your rights and values to be loved, accept yourself and tolerate yourself. Each of us is born and raised, regardless of whether we are good or beautiful according to social standards, does not affect our right to be worthy of love, to believe that we are worthy of love.

“Love yourself, then love others.” We often say this sentence is based on self-identity, in the process of dealing with self-identity is also to build a foundation for getting along with others, first learn to love yourself, can better love others.

02, learn to accept

Many of you may be inquiring about how to build a healthy intimate relationship and will often mention the need to communicate; Yes, communication is important, but if there is no acceptance in the process of communication, it is ineffective communication.

Hellinger, a German family therapist, describes it: “When we give, we feel entitled, and when we receive, we feel obligated.”

If in the intimate relationship, only give, do not accept, will produce a sense of white, will feel that they have absolutely clear conscience in this relationship, in order to protect their own purpose. This sense of innocence is kind, selfless, as if standing on the moral high ground, but also selfish. This relationship does not accept the good of the other person, leaving the other person in a relatively vacant sense of guilt, the emotional balance has been tilted. The tip of the scales is not only the other person’s inner thoughts, but also your inner thoughts of “Why do I give, but don’t see the other person’s efforts and returns?” In fact, it is the inability to accept the contribution from others that makes you feel guilty.

To achieve deep intimacy, you first need to express your true needs in the relationship and learn to accept and be comfortable with the guilt and flow that comes with accepting others’ kindness. The reason we feel guilty and guilty is because it has become normal to suppress our own needs, and suddenly someone offers us “warmth” and we feel like we can’t accept it. When you begin to feel less pressure to accept your partner’s kindness, this is the starting point for a deeper relationship.

Self-identification and learning to accept these two things go hand in hand. With a certain degree of self-identity, we can overcome the guilt and guilt of “receiving love from others” and then transmit love and let love enter into our relationship.

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