“Those who are not always in turmoil, those who are favored have no fear.” — Eason Chan (Red Rose)
k recently received a call from a friend, let’s call him t. In the phone call, she angrily rebuked her ex-boyfriend, because his life was so good after he broke up with her, but she was immersed in the pain of the breakup. When I asked her how she found out about her boyfriend’s current situation, she said she couldn’t help but peek at his social media accounts every day. Now she’s suddenly starting to wonder if she made the right decision to break up with her ex-boyfriend. Losing him is more painful than having him.
“I fear losing more than I fear gaining.” Little t is stuck in loss aversion. Are you tempted to peek into the life of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend after a breakup?
First, loss aversion concept
Psychologist Kahneman developed a concept called “loss aversion,” which refers to the fact that when people face the same number of gains and losses, they think the loss will be felt more acutely. In other words, people psychologically perceive losses as more painful than gains as satisfying.
– Loss aversion: the sense of the value of loss > Get a sense of value
Let’s take a very simple example. The same is in the face of 100 yuan, for most people, the joy of seeing 100 yuan is far less than the sad degree of losing 100 yuan.
Why t can’t help but want to see the latest situation of her ex-boyfriend, and have the idea of getting back together. One aspect of loss aversion is that negative feelings stimulate people to attach more importance to information about things than positive feelings do. Because he is too afraid of the feeling of loss and magnifies the feeling of loss infinitely, which affects his judgment of value. At this time, Little t is more immersed in the pain of loss, and even thinks that the reason for breaking up with him is not serious enough for him to give up, resulting in the deviation of his judgment of value. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I used to feel the goodness of each other, and I didn’t feel much. However, when I was about to lose each other, I suddenly realized that this kind of foreboding of loss would touch me more deeply.
Frequent visual rape of exes is to feel the life of the other person even after losing them, so as not to let our hearts feel as if the moment is empty, to ease the pain of loss. In order to combat this pain, one subjectively erases the value judgment of one’s own decision-making, and thus tends to choose to compound.
Second, the return of the sense of value
Professor Daniel Kahneman, in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow! In the book, he says:
Our brains make decisions both fast and slow. The commonly used unconscious “System 1” relies on emotion, memory and experience to make quick judgments. It is informed and allows us to react quickly to the situation in front of us.
– But System 1 is also gullible, clinging to the principle that seeing is fact and allowing delusions like loss aversion and optimism bias to guide us into wrong choices.
– The conscious “system 2” analyzes and solves problems and makes decisions by mobilizing attention. It is slow and error-prone, but it is lazy, often taking shortcuts and adopting the intuitionistic results of System 1.
– When we’re immersed in an emotion, system 1, we’re so sensitive to what we’re feeling that we react immediately to alleviate loss aversion. So, at this point, we need to engage our conscious system 2 to help us make the right decision, and system 2 May be a little bit slower, it may take some time.
Therefore, when we are overwhelmed with emotion in the face of loss, don’t rush to make judgments and decisions. At this time, our brain is in a relatively hyperactive state, and emotional will be more than rational. Give your brain time to react and slowly return to perception.
Break up want to see rape ex, can! But don’t do something you’ll regret after you’ve committed rape. The easiest way to do this is to avoid making decisions when you’re emotionally overwhelmed, especially during late night emo sessions. Don’t wake up feeling ashamed.
Of course, k also encouraged everyone to love bravely while the love is not finished.