I like the moon in the sky, but if the moon comes to me, it is no longer the moon.”
Recently, Little k talked with a good friend about something. She told me with a frown that she was very upset that she could not fall in love with someone who liked her. It sounds like it’s a little confusing.
“I liked this guy and we talked for a long time, but when he told me he liked me, I suddenly didn’t like him. When he shows his love, I even have a very disgusted, even disgusting feeling. Why is that?”
“It’s not the first time this has happened. It seems like every time I feel someone’s interest, all the love I had for him dissipates and I want to hide.”
I could see that this friend was really helpless and distressed for this state, and even felt a little guilty. However, he could not understand the disgust generated by the feeling of love in his heart. This is actually one of the most obvious manifestations of unrequited sexual love.
01, the concept of sexual unrequited love
Sexual unrequited love does not have a very complete and clear definition in psychology. At present, it can be called an attachment disorder, similar to avoidant attachment personality. lithromantic, the English name for unrequited love, is a romantic tendency. This type of person has a one-sided need for intimacy, develops feelings of love for others, but does not expect them to reciprocate, and may lose love as the other person reciprocates.
In plain and simple terms, I like you, and if you like me, then I don’t like you.
02, the cause of sexual unrequited love
In the analysis of the causes of unrequited love in psychological schools, it is generally due to a person’s upbringing environment, especially in the lack of love in the family of origin. One of the most remarkable characteristics of unrequited love is that when you feel the response of the other party, you will subconsciously avoid and produce a sense of disgust. “unidirectional emotion” is the most obvious feature. The unrequited love group grows up giving out their needs, but hardly ever getting them back. They live in a one-way, loveless state, and over time they become familiar with this unhealthy sense of “security.” When the other person reciprocates, unrequited love feels unfamiliar, triggering feelings of insecurity that never existed inside, and a subconscious desire to escape. If the other person shows love and the love is intense, our inner alarm goes off, and we feel that the other person is hurting us and invading our security area to some extent, which leads to feelings of revulsion and disgust.
This mode of thinking is formed in the early years and the process of growing up, so when triggered by a series of psychological reactions such as insecurity, it is not conscious, generally just feel confused.
03, sexual unrequited love to save themselves
The Marcos brother mentality shows this: If you love me, it’s only because you don’t see the whole of me, but if you don’t see the whole of me, and I have to try to get used to your love until you do, that’s crazy.
One of the main causes of unrequited love is “insecurity”, and this insecurity comes from the inferiority of feeling that you can’t be loved because you never, if ever, received love in time in your early years. When the other party responds to their love, but feel not in line with their expectations, feel at a loss, also lost the original motivation and goals for the other party, so they start to dislike each other.
If you want to overcome unrequited love, you must first face up to yourself, which is the most fundamental way.